Las Vegas, I don’t know who I am here

I find myself in a city that is ever bustling and yet I feel so alone

Having spent the last few years on my own, I thought the move would be fairly easy but I’m struggling. No one to talk to when I wake up, no one to talk to most of the day and no one to talk to at bedtime. I underestimated the connection I had with friends and family – Although I didn’t see them a lot, I saw them just enough. I miss having people around I know, I am envious when Greg goes out with friends several times a week. I’m glad he does, he needs the distraction from work, it’s just hard when I’m feeling very alone.

I cried tonight when I found out that I wouldn’t be home for the Mayweather fight. The one event he’ll be home for and I have to work late. We talk about going out when he’s home but we don’t really do much. I know it’s a time for him to unwind and he’d rather stay home – I get that.

I know Greg hates when I want to talk to him to much. He doesn’t really understand that he is my lifeline to surviving here in Las Vegas – for now. There is not one person I can call to just have company around. I miss my family so much.


April 19, 2015 at 8:01 am Leave a comment

Wow, it’s 2012 already

I decided to visit my old blog, see how things have changed/not changed in the past 2 years.  It’s nice to read over some of my entries, others I look back on and wish I’d kept all the promises I made to myself.

May 2012

Things are going well, AJ is finishing up the fire fighter academy, Laura soon flies off to work for the church this summer and Simon is inquiring about joining the army.  I have a grandson now, little Troy just turned 1 and he is the sweetest little guy.

I’m still working at KU Medical Center and have a few families I still Nanny for.  I’m still in school and it looks like I won’t graduate for another couple of years.  Slow and steady is my new motto with school,  take it one class at a time – the degree will follow.

I meet with a new trainer tonight, I’m hoping we can get some results with my weight problem.  I’ve become very complacent and depressed about my size and need to take control.  I let so many things sabotage me – something has to work!

I’m going to be writing again – at least twice a week.  It’s good for me and I shouldn’t have given it up.

May 10, 2012 at 10:28 pm Leave a comment


Home from work and very tired……

December 29, 2009 at 9:17 am 1 comment

The New Me

i know there’s something i’m to do

i just don’t know with what or who

i’ve come so far in these two years

but now do what with these last fears

i’m learning more and more each day

i’m learning that i’ve much to say

i look inside, inside myself

to find a way for you to help

to understand the way i think

i lean on you, so i don’t sink

you come to me, your arms out wide

you come to me, your at my side

the words you say are always true

though sometimes they are far and few

you say to do it on my own

always in a gentle tone

wanting nothing but the best

making sure i pass each test

so even though i’ve come to love

everything that you speak of

i think the last thing i seek out

is only found within my doubt

i have to know, i have to see

that when you’re gone, i am just me

i see my path, i know the way

this coming year is my new day

my journey does go on from here

i’ll find the peace that’s very near

so now to bring this to an end

with all my love, my treasured friend

i know that if we’re far or near

if we speak or if there’s tears

that I am better because of you

it’s you i see the new me through

December 28, 2009 at 4:58 am 7 comments

Taking Control – No Looking Back !!

I’m not gonna lie – this is how I’ve felt over the past year or so.  I start to get in shape – my motivation wanes – and I revert to the sign above – Go ahead….you’re already fat.

I’m refusing to let this mentality control my life!!  I return from San Francisco on Sunday, January 3rd and my healthy lifestyle begins – no sabotage or making excuses!

I have all the knowledge to be successful –  healthy diet, stay active and keep a positive mental attitude.

2010 goals

*See me complete my first year of college & begin my second

*See me utilize the organizational knowledge (I’m studying) to decrease my anxiety and be more productive

*See me celebrate my oldest son’s marriage

*See me transform my body to a healthy weight

*See me (God willing) sell my house

*See me spend more quality time with my friends

*See me accumulate a substantial emergency savings

*See me remain focused on financial responsibility

*See me continue to meet new families and love, love, love being their Nanny

December 26, 2009 at 1:11 am 1 comment

Blades of Glory!

Wusthof knives from my boyfriend Greg 🙂

Love them!  You all know how hard it is to prepare food with dull knives.

I’m so happy to get these!!

December 25, 2009 at 4:14 am 1 comment

A landlord I am not!

This past summer I bought a condo and opted to rent out my one bedroom house.  Not fully realizing all the planning and contingencies that needed to be thought through as a landlord – I now face a non-paying renter.

Easy decision – I plan to have a realtor over to the house next week and will be putting the house up for sale.   Now I just need a quick “as is” sale.  Keep your fingers crossed!

December 24, 2009 at 4:44 am 1 comment

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